


to a far off place (you disappear)

by nullspace



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, just pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 04:57:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15526542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nullspace/pseuds/nullspace
Summary: Go, I will love you from here.





	to a far off place (you disappear)

“You shouldn’t be here, you know.”

Seungyoon watches the stone he threw bounces on the water a few times before it disappears then turns to Minho, eyes narrowed. “Do you not want me here?”

“No!” Minho panics, waving his hands around and they eventually land on Seungyoon’s arm—and Seungyoon tries his best not to smile at this, and he might as well hide the fact that he asked that on purpose because Minho panicking is amusing. “That’s not what I meant, I swear.”

“So?”

“You know…” Minho trails off, looking down then lets go of Seungyoon’s arm to stab his finger into the sand and makes a perpetual circle, “You have people who love you back home. You shouldn’t— suffer here.”

“I’m not suffering, Minho.”

Minho puffs his cheeks, still not looking up even when Seungyoon grabs his wrist. He does when Seungyoon tugs his hand though, and if seeing the sad in Minho’s eyes hurts Seungyoon, he doesn’t say anything about it.

“I’m with you, there’s no way I would suffer.”

Minho holds his hand a little too tight.

-

Seungyoon leaves the bed when it’s only five minutes to 3 AM. Minho has fallen asleep and Seungyoon spent a little over an hour just to watch him. He turns to see Minho for one last time before he opens the door.

-

He arrives late to the studio.

Jinwoo looks up from his phone when the door opens and Seungyoon offers him an apologetic smile. He sighs, pocketing his phone when Seungyoon sits next to him.

“Did you visit Minho last night?”

“Mhm,” Seungyoon nods.

“How is he?”

“Good.”

This time, Jinwoo nods and fishes his phone out again, so Seungyoon figures he’s free from any other question now.

He jumps a little when he feels someone ruffling his hair, looking up only to find Seunghoon standing before him and Jinwoo. He feels Seunghoon staring at his face a second too long and cocks his head, “Let’s do this.”

Seungyoon likes how Seunghoon always knows, yet never said anything.

-

“What are you guys working on now?”

Seungyoon hums, then a shutter sound follows and Minho looks up at him in bewilderment. He only smiles once he sees Seungyoon shaking the polaroid in his hand.

As the picture starts to form, Seungyoon smiles. He loves taking pictures of Minho when he’s busy doing something. Like drawing, or writing, or just creating anything.

He loves taking pictures of Minho in general, though. He doesn’t know when it started, but Minho has long become his muse. He doesn’t know why, either—and if there really was a reason, he’s forgotten it.

“What were you saying?”

“I asked what you’re working on now.”

“Oh,” Seungyoon pauses to put the picture on the corkboard, “Just a single.”

“How are they?”

“Good.”

Minho hums, “Good.”

-

When Seungyoon wakes up, there’s a knock on the door and he squints, blinking his eyes repeatedly to adjust his eyes to the light and then realizes that his head is lolled aside. He straightens up and groans at the pain in his neck.

“Come in,” he says, groggily.

The door opens, showing Seunghoon outside holding a bouquet of flower in one hand and a plastic bag in his other hand. Seungyoon assumes it’s food since Seunghoon is sharp and he must have noticed the weight loss. He wonders where Seunghoon bought the bouquet at 3 AM, though.

 

They sit on one of the benches in the hallway. Seunghoon hums some song that Seungyoon can’t quite remember the title as he gobbles up the _dak galbi_ Seunghoon brought.

“You should stop going there, Seungyoon.”

Seungyoon keeps eating.

“How many times have you gone there?”

He can feel Seunghoon’s gaze on him, so he only shrugs.

“You do know there’s a limit, right?”

At this, he stops and turns to Seunghoon, eyes narrowed and demanding.

Seunghoon sighs, “I figured.”

-

“Look, I drew you.”

Seungyoon has just put up another picture on the corkboard, turning around to see the drawing Minho holds up. He smiles too wide it hurts his cheeks. It’s beautiful, he thinks, then realizes he should say it out loud.

“It’s beautiful. Can I keep it?”

“I don’t know,” Minho smiles at the drawing then turns to him, “Can you?”

Seungyoon doesn’t say anything.

He can’t.

-

“Seungyoon, stop. Don’t be reckless.”

He pushes Jinwoo’s hand and walks hurriedly, but Jinwoo catches his arm again.

“Seungyoon, please.”

“Hyung, _please_.”

He holds Jinwoo’s hands so tight as he turns to the older, tears are filling his eyes and he doesn’t want to blink in fear of them falling. He’s not vulnerable, he’s not that, he doesn’t want to be that. Though, maybe, he’s always been vulnerable, but Jinwoo and Seunghoon always pretend they don’t see it.

“He never told me, he must have a reason. I want to know, I just want to know.”

“But it’s your last chance, Seungyoon, why did you not ask him before today?”

Seungyoon shakes his head.

He can’t tell Jinwoo that everytime he’s with Minho, he forgets everything—or at least tries to. He can’t tell Jinwoo that everytime he tries to ask, Minho would smile at him and he couldn’t bring himself to ask.

He can’t tell Jinwoo that he doesn’t want Minho to know he’s suffering.

-

“You never told me there’s a number limit.”

Seungyoon didn’t want to bring it up to Minho—he really couldn’t do it, but he saw the clock when he grabbed a glass of water in the kitchen and he only has three hours left.

Minho smiles bitterly, “So you found out, huh.”

“Why?”

Seungyoon tightens his grip on the glass and looks down, breathing in slowly as he tries to control his emotion. Something is bubbling inside him, and he doesn’t know if it’s sadness or anger or the mix of both.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know.”

If Seungyoon has some kind of superpower, or if he’s super strong, the glass in his hands would break into pieces now. “You _don’t know_? What the fuck, Minho? Don’t you understand how vital this information is?”

Minho looks at him and nods slowly. Seungyoon throws the glass, he kind of regrets it after seeing how Minho’s eyes widen, but he’s too angry. He has the right to be.

“I’m— going to go, Seungyoon.”

Seungyoon furrows his eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

“I will—” Minho makes a gesture with his hand and shakes his head, huffing, “Pass. I’ll go.”

Seungyoon shakes his head in disbelief and wraps his arms around himself as he feels his body trembling, “No. No, no, no, you won’t.”

Minho hugs him and Seungyoon cries on his chest.

 

They sit on the couch and stare at whatever program is on the TV, the sound is muted and Seungyoon wasn’t even paying attention. He glances up at the clock and turns his head to Minho who’s leaning on his shoulder.

_Thirty minutes_.

He takes Minho’s hand and plays with his fingers.

“What if I don’t go back?”

Minho sits up straight so fast and looks at Seungyoon angrily, “Don’t even think of that, Seungyoon.”

“It’s no use, anyway. The world isn’t the same without you.”

“Shut up, Kang Seungyoon,” Minho’s voice cracks and Seungyoon snorts, he’s always so easy to cry. “You have people who love you, don’t give them up for me.”

“Well, asshole, you have people who love you as well!”

Minho sighs, clasping Seungyoon’s hands in his own and rests his forehead there. “There’s no hope for me anymore and you know that very well. I will— stay comatose forever, what’s the use?”

“You don’t know what will happen.”

“There’s _no_ hope, Seungyoon,” Minho looks up at him and his gaze too certain, it hurts Seungyoon’s heart. “If I keep going, it will burden everyone and one day a decision should be made anyway and I _know_ no one will give up on me.”

Seungyoon tries not to look away, tears roll down when he blinks.

“But I will, I have to be the one willing.”

Seungyoon cries again.

 

_Ten minutes_.

They spend the time hugging each other. Seungyoon tightens his hold every five seconds while Minho whispers reassurance to his ear.

 

_Three minutes_.

They stand by the door and Seungyoon holds Minho’s hand tight. He won’t let go, he can’t.

“I don’t know what I’ll do,” he whispers, lips trembling as he’s starting to cry again. Minho kisses the back of his hand.

“You’ll be okay, you’re tough.”

“I’m only tough because you were there.”

Minho doesn’t say anything.

 

“Two minutes, Seungyoon.”

He shakes his head, “I can stay, Minho. I’ll just stay.”

“Kang Seungyoon.”

Seungyoon opens the door and he feels like throwing up. He turns his head to Minho and greedily takes in his face for him to remember.

“One minute,” Minho says and he shakes his head.

“Please, no.”

Minho squeezes Seungyoon’s hand then lets go before crossing his hands behind him.

“You’re mean.”

He’s breaking into tears again, but Minho smiles. How the tables have turned.

_Thirty seconds_.

“I can’t—”

_Twenty seconds_.

“Go,” Minho rests his hand on Seungyoon’s back, kisses his cheek then pushes him through the door.

_Ten seconds_.

“Minho—”

_Five seconds._

“I will love you from here, Seungyoon.”

_03.00 AM._

Minho closes the door.

-

Seungyoon wakes up to another blinding light, but he doesn’t bother opening his eyes. His heart feels heavy. He doesn’t move when the nurses take off the device off him.

Seungyoon opens his eyes and sees that Jinwoo and Seunghoon are in there, as well as Minho’s family.

“Did he tell you why?”

Seungyoon nods, and then the door opens and they stand up as the doctor enters.

“I will remove the life support as patient Song Minho wished.”

“Wait,” Seungyoon gets up and stands by the bed, holding Minho’s hand loosely.

He takes a deep breath and looks around the room; at Jinwoo, Seunghoon, everyone of Minho’s family, then he looks down again.

“Go then,” he says, “I will— _we_ will love you from here too.”

**Author's Note:**

> if you watch black mirror, you'd know which episode i'm basing this on. :D  
> i'm sorry that i always write angst, i have something non angst on progress right now but it's 2seung if you're interested ^q^
> 
> also in case anyone noticed: i've been changing my username a lot since i'm trying to find something that suits me!  
> thank you for reading!!


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